Part I of the Unfinished Love Letters.

Hey You.

You've hurt me. & as much as I play it off, I'm NOT over it, & I still haven't forgiven you. 

-sighs-

The peace that comes from that statement is surprisingly refreshing. 

Can you imagine the toll that months & months of holding on to pride and dignity, convincing yourself that you’re invincible, hiding behind your “I don’t cares” & your denial, reassuring yourself that you’re fine, & constantly rebuilding your heart’s fortress can take on someone?

But fuck it, I can be a woman about it. 

You’ve hurt me.

You’ve hurt me.

You’ve hurt me.

You’ve hurt me.

YOU’VE HURT ME & I'M STILL HURT. 

Part of me wants to hate you, but the realization that I will STILL be lying to myself hits me.

How can I sit here and have the nerve to say I love you when I can’t even love myself enough to admit and accept the truth?

“If you really cared about him, you would tell him he hurt you.” My cousin said.

The question is, do I care about you that much to break down & admit it?

....My stubborn pride. 

Or is this love thing real to me? They say that you should put aside your pride for the one you love. How do I even know that I love you? Maybe I'm just in lust, in like, in something other than this love shit. Have I been lying to myself for so long, that I don’t even know the truth about how I feel anymore? Have I convinced myself that what I'm feeling for you is more than it really was? 

-sighs- I hate when I do this. Constantly question everything, even when I already know the truth.

No, I do love you, because your beautiful face is the only one that comes to mind when I think about tearing off this mask and revealing the layers upon layers upon layers that is me. 

I do get hurt, babe. I do cry. I do feel pain. As much as I love to differ, I have emotions too...

...It's just not my character to embrace them.

Will I ever be brave enough to forgive you, to let you in, & let you love me right?

...to be continued.